Today I feel empty.

And hungry.

I spend most all of my time cheering people up, but when I feel down, what do I do then?

Fuck it. I think I'm going to see if I can't cheer myself up.

Tomorrow Hyperguy.net comes back up again!

Yippee!

Man, I'm so excited! I've been waiting since it went down to start working on it again and tomorrow I'll finally be able to! I've been doing all sorts of things since it went down too, like learning flash, working on the new forum template, preparing updates, and other things like that.

One thing's for sure, this'll be the last time the site'll go down. I'm sick of the site going down, and has already upgraded my bandwidth a number of times, but to no avail. The heart of the problem lies in the site's gallery. While nice at first, it's been getting rather high maintainance these past couple of months, especially with the addition of gifs to the gallery.

Well, according to my latest webstats, which I managed to ftp download from the site's webstats directory(for some reason I can still use FTP even when the site's out of bandwidth), 50% of all bandwidth used last month came from gif images. That's ludicrous. I mean, I know we've been really popular recently, what with all of the suprise visits from Hong Kong and Australia and all, but we're using up more bandwidth on just some silly gif gallery than we have for the rest of the site.

So, next month, I'm going to take the gif gallery down. Maybe some people will piss and moan or curse, but whatever, I'd rather be able to work on my website and post on the forums than continue to use bandwidth I don't have for serving gifs that people could just look up on their own anyway.

"BUt hairperguy, i dont noe how 2 uze teh internet!" Yeah, me neither. But then again, that's also why we have a Viper forum for helping people find torrents and downloads and stuff. It's mainly used for the discussion of Viper, but really, a good bit of posts are just requests asking for Viper stuffs. That's cool and all, but...

Yeah, I think I'm going to take all of the requests and lump them all into one giant requests thread when the forum comes back up again. That way we can have the convenience of ignoring them all at once. I mean, I don't mind answering requests and helping out every now and then, but I don't exactly have internet access anymore either. If I were connected I'd jump on there and make a Viper Omega torrent with all gifs and games and seed for a month, but seeing as how I can only browse the internet at school or the library now that ain't happening.

In other news, Soul Calibur 3 needs to hurry up and show up at my local game shop Rhino Video Games so Victor can hurry up and purchase a copy and let me copy it to my hard drive. I know that's worded a little weird, and may sound a little underhanded, but think of it this way: Me and Victor have been friends since kindergarten and are practically brothers. Anytime he's ever needed anything I've been there for him, and since he's going to be owning the game I don't think it's too big of a deal if he lets me get a copy of it too so that we can have copies and practice on our own time so we'll be able to have top-tier Soul Calibur 3 matches. Yeah.

Heihachi probably didn't make it into Soul Calibur 3 as a secret character, which is a shame because he's a fucking powerhouse combo monster that snacks through lifebars and can demon uppercut through a 30 lb axe and keep on trucking. Gawd, Heihachi rocked house in SC2. Oh well, at least they didn't bring back Link...

If I'm lucky I'll be able to completely finish the new template tonight before the site comes back up. If only. =)

Oh yeah, Halloween and shit nergo. :0

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
j_santiago goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Big Daddy Dolemite.
billzodiac gives you 9 tan banana-flavoured nuggets.
jg00 tricks you! You get a 3.5-inch floppy disc.
pxlatdmnky tricks you! You lose 7 pieces of candy!
the_gel gives you 4 orange raspberry-flavoured gumdrops.
thegreatjazinga gives you 6 pink raspberry-flavoured wafers.
utils tricks you! You get a broken balloon.
wetsprocket tricks you! You get an eraser.
yukatakeuchifan gives you 18 dark blue lemon-flavoured gummy bats.
zerovirus gives you 9 blue coffee-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
j_santiago ends up with 39 pieces of candy, a 3.5-inch floppy disc, a broken balloon, and an eraser.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

j_santiago's Halloween party:

billzodiac dressed as a puffy highway.
jg00 dressed as Ray Bourque.
pxlatdmnky dressed as the spirit of their dead grandmother Gabrielle.
the_gel gets drunk, strips naked, and somehow emerges dressed as Franklin Pierce.
thegreatjazinga dressed as a Moses General StoreAmalgamated employee, and it suited them all too well.
utils dressed as a part-time corporate spy department manager.
wetsprocket dressed as Optimus Prime.
yukatakeuchifan dressed as the Viscount of Cormalagran.
zerovirus dressed as a linebacker for the Eagles.

Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense

......

"I can't get no!"

"Satisfaction!"

Sing if you know the words!

This past month has been mediocre at best. Aside from the suckitude of Hyperguy.net going down a whole two weeks before it normally does, school has been one large lemon.

Man, I could remember how every single day was a blast when I was living in Carrollton. I'd get up, put my super hero costume on, kick ass up and down the street, and then call it a day. Life was perfect.

Now that I'm living in Hinesville, things have been uneventful to say the least. I'm convinced that this town's a black hole, and one that sucks the vitality out of me every day. I haven't made any friends who are my age since I moved here a month ago, and haven't found much to do either. I haven't been able to find a job, yet strangely enough, money's been coming my way. I met this one lady in the electronics section of the PX(that's the post exchange for all of you civilians who don't know what a PX is) who asked me to fix her computer, and from there I've been getting refferals from her and her friends.

Also, a good friend of mine by the name of Ed introduced me to another friend of his in need of a website, and I've been working for him since. It's not a steady job, but considering how poor this town is it's the best I can get.

So, maybe things haven't been too bad, but they could be much better. Lately my heartburn's been acting up. That's right, sometimes I have so much passion within me that it can't be contained and it burns me from inside out. Or maybe I just need to watch what I eat.

Gawd, I hate Hinesville.

...But I'd like it to be. If there's one thing I obsess over, it's perfection. I'm obsessive compulsive over a lot of things actually. A lot of times I won't even continue a project if I've already fucked it up. What can I say? I'm afraid to make mistakes.

Phew.

I feel a lot better after admitting that. Actually, after admitting that, I don't feel like being obsessive with perfection any more. Perfection is just one of those things that comes with time. You can work at it, and work at it, but because perfection is part luck, sometimes you just have to let go and put some faith into your actions and hope things turn out for the best. Or something like that.

These past days sucked. Last Friday I ate a lot of aspirin on an empty stomach to cure a migraine and ended up messing up my stomach big time. The jumbo fried chicken meal and gallons of water I had afterwards didn't help much either. Long story short, it's a week from when that happened, and I'm still recovering from it.

I had to go to emergency room a few days ago, and after some tests or whatever it looks like I managed to contract some kind of stomach virus/infection. Whoops. Remind me never to eat food again.

Alright so I'm on meds now and after a quick glance in the mirror I've realized just how much not being able to eat for a week has messed me up. My muscle mass and body fat have diminished a lot, and my skin's gotten a lot paler since I got sick; overall I look like a zombie, and thanks to the meds I've been on I've been lurching around like one too.

These meds suck. I can't think straight at all. Fuck that. I tried thinking gay and failed at that too. Overall I just can't think right now. I've got a lot on my mind right now but my body doesn't want to cooperate, these meds dull my ninja like senses and reflexes and make my tongue taste like mercury.

Oh yeah. And I'm moving next week. That means I've got about a week to get my strength up so I'll be able to pack and shit later. Sheeeeeeeeee-it. I couldn't have picked a better time to get zombie.

Test. Sup everybody.

I didn't get any sleep last night so I ended up waking up today around 8:30 a.m. Fueled by passion and vigor, I jumped out of bed and checked out my internet stuffs(not very exciting, is it?) Realizing I had just used up a good 15 minutes of my time I sped off to my kitchen and made the best goddamn oatmeal on God's green earth, which I scarfed down while looking up potential job leads.

After some time spent getting ready and looking up places via the web and phone book I blasted open my door and set out unto the midday sun. While I was getting ready I set up a list of places to visit for the day and I made sure I visited and got the most out of each one. I stopped by a couple of employment offices, department stores, pharmacies, temp agencies, and when it was all said and done I must have went to around 20 places today, and all while on foot. I was burning under the hot Georgia sun, and even though I'm sick, can't breathe from congestion, and can't think from my headache and fever plaguing me I still managed to present myself professionally to potential employers and schmoose a bit. Despite the heat, my passion for finding a better job was much hotter, and though I was exhausted at the end of the day I felt a smug satisfaction in knowing that I visited every place on my list.

So in short, today was a day to remember, and tomorrow's going to be that much better for me as I follow up on my potential job leads.

Yesterday I was fed up with Alex so I tried practicing my punches in order to let off some stress. My room's especially cramped now that I rearranged it, and I got so addicted to punching the air in front of me that after a short while I decided to take it out to the streets. I went to the basketball courts and started stretching and warming up using basic warm up techniques I had picked from the many martial arts classes I attended when I was younger.

After I warmed up I let loose. As angry as I was I punched and kicked in a fury of hooks, uppercuts, and crosses. Regardless of my strength or skill when I was throwing my punches I did so with the intention of devastating what was in front of me. For the first time in a long time when I threw my punches I felt a feeling of empowerment, a feeling of electricity surging through my trembling body. With every attack I felt my anger leave my body, and when I was finished, I didn't feel empty. I felt electric, ready to blaze through someone like a hot circuit. Overall I'd say I let out a lot of stress in that session, and afterwards I was especially glad to know that "I've still got it."

When I got back Brian, Alex, and Steven were still sitting in the living room, this time watching the Ghostbusters movie on DVD.

Steven Garcia's a little bitch. I feel like I could write up an entire journal entry alone on why I don't like him, but for now, just know that he's a bitch, I don't respect him, and the only reason he's ever in my apartment is when I'm not around, because besides me and him only getting along half the time(Granted, I'm also one of the few people who tolerate him) I'm convinced that he's afraid of me, and he very well should be because there are times when he's provoked me and I haven't backed down.

He's used to giving people shit all of the time, but coincedently I don't take shit and I wouldn't mind punching the front of his throat into the back of his throat and he knows it.

Anyhow, I got back and was all sweaty, so I took a shower. Either I didn't do a good enough warm up or I overexerted myself, because when I was finished I was feeling sore all over. I didn't feel like talking to any of the jokers in my living room and needed to wake early the next morning so I tried turning in early.

That didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. Brian eventually left for work and Steven dispersed as well, leaving Alex in the living room. I tried giving sleep a shot but couldn't find any patience from Alex's need to watch TV with the volume on extra loud. I then got up and kindly asked Alex to please turn the volume on the TV down, which he immedietly complied with apologetically. "Yeah, you should be sorry," I thought to myself as I swiftly shut my door.

Peace didn't come so easily after that either. After a while he turned the TV volume back up and I thought to myself "Fuck it," and tried sleeping anyway. At that point I just didn't feel like playing measuring cup with the TV volume with him, and was already frustrated as it was. About twenty minutes later I was disturbed again, this time by a large pounding sound coming from my wall. Turns out in all of his boredom he decided it would be a good idea to play some more pool(at 12:46 in the morning, no less), without taking into account that my room's wall is the same wall the pool table rests against(Don't even ask me about the pool table. There isn't enough room for it in the living room so one side sits against one of the walls.)

Long story short, all of my frustration and anger that I had just released a few moments ago had reaccumulated in the span of a few minutes. At the next sound of a cue ball cracking and bouncing off corners I threw open my door and just gazed at him and said "My room is right next to the pool table." I was hoping he'd get the point. I then got another pathetic apology out of him. At that point I wasn't sure of what pissed me off more; how much of a pussy Alex was turning out to be or just how senseless his actions were.

I was so mad last night that I couldn't sleep so I got Melissa to call me and we talked about the things most guys and girls talk about, like ninjas, and rocking out, and kidnapping members of the opposite sex. You know, the usual stuff. I told her how the weekend sucked because I was sick and couldn't breathe, and how Alex was pissing me off, and she told me about this guy who's joining the Marines and this guy who's become obsessed with her, etc. You know, the usual stuff.

I didn't end up going to sleep until maybe about 4:00 a.m. last night. I spoke with her until about 3, couldn't sleep for another thirty minutes, and finally was able to sleep after doing some *ahem* relaxation exercises until 4 a.m.

I had so much to say about last night that I didn't even get to what I did today. Today was exhausting, but I gave it my all and it looks like I'll have a new job within the week. Today I job hunted hard(and in more ways than one).

For the longest time I've been reluctant to post personal information on my blog. After much contemplation I've decided that there's not point in being paranoid about it anymore. As long as I don't post anything related to financial information I should be alright. Besides that, there are probably more than 100,000 blogs on LiveJournal. I seriously don't think mine would make a difference in any way, and that the stuff that I post wouldn't make a difference in the lives of the people I interact with on a daily basis either. So, from now on I want to be a little more personal, and a little more gut wrenching or "loose" if you will. Wish me luck.

It really pisses me off that Alex is living in my apartment now. Here I am struggling to pay rent and there's a guy living here who hasn't payed a single cent. Do you have any idea how much this infuriates me? Right now I'm paralyzed in anger at the whole situation. Everyday I try to be a nice guy, but right now it feels like the very stuff that pisses me off is right on my doorstep--worse, on my couch watching my TV. He's like a mini-version of Brian for christ's sake! The last thing I need is a fat, ugly, wapanese fagging up my living space.

Alex is younger than me, which means he has as much experience living on his own as a newborn tadpole, clueless, which means he doesn't know how to act in any situation, and most importantly, worthless, as in the only thing he's been doing since he got here is playing Gameboy Advance SP while tucked away in the room he hasn't payed for and watching my big screen 32" inch TV out of boredom and waking me up in the middle of the night by playing pool(our pool table is right next to my room so you'd think he'd be smart enough not to play while I'm sleeping. Nope, I gave him too much credit. Idiot.)

I would not pick him for my super hero team were I assembling a Justice League and were he the last pick in baseball I feel that my team would benefit from not choosing him. Fuck this. As soon as I'm done with my lease I'm going to move someplace where I don't have to deal with fat anime nerds who spout off random giant robot show catch phrases.

Speaking of which...

I'm a fan of anime all the same, but for the most part I keep it on the DL. I'm just as obssessed as the next fan, but for the most part I don't see the point in acting like a complete fucking retard 24 hours a day. If we ever met in real life, you probably wouldn't be able to tell it was one of my hobbies unless I told you directly. The point is that when it comes to being an anime fan, all you really have to do is like it to be a fan. None of this "true fan" nonsense vendors and fanboys spew off when they're going on about how great anime is.

Anime IS great, but it should never be greater than the self, and because of that belief I don't allow it to define who I am. Besides that, it's not my only interest. While I do admit that a large portion of my interests do originate from Japan, like karate, kendo, aikido, video games, and computer parts I still reserve the right to say "this is shit" where applicable. I think it's highly important to be able to recognize when something is a peice of shit as opposed to blindly accepting it on the basis that it's Japanese. I also like drawing, spanish cooking, human anatomy, statistics, web design, and martial arts.

Emilychan: "Oh, but Jose, Japanese culture is oh so interesting!"
Jose: "No it isn't, shut the fuck up. You wouldn't be saying that if you were Chinese. Who gives a fuck?"
Emilychan: "Jose you're being a mean baka!"
Jose: "Shut up ho, don't make me smack you."

I think I actually grew a little more after writing this, and I'm not just talking about my penis.

Holy Shit

I just installed a new content management system on my server, and I've got to say-my life's going to be made that much easier as far as my webpage's concerned. Now I don't have to worry about trivial shit like layout and formatting. Now that I've got it installed I can concentrate on content, and just say "Fuck it" to the rest. I couldn't be happier.

The Backburner continues!

I had a talk with myself, and it went something like this: Me, to myself: "Sup" Myself, to me: "Sup", and that was it. My conscious is always like, "Put first things first, it'll do you good! If you do all of the important things first, your personal effectiveness will increase tenfold!" and I'm like, "Yeah, whatever, consciousman."

So anyhow, instead of going about things in the "You must finish this now! You cannot do anything else until you finish this! This is so important you can't do anything else until you finish it!" mode of thinking I'm going to be using the "Yeah, I feel like working on this, so I'll work a little bit on this and still work on this. It's important to get this done, but not so much that I can't have any fun working on this over here every now and then."

In any case, I've made some progress today and at the very least started on a lot of the things I've been putting off. Maybe I haven't worked on all of them, but at least now I have the proper mindset to accomplish them.

Blargh. It's late, and I'm feeling stressed out.

I have all of these raw images and sprites I want to animate, but just thinking about it really overwhelms me. I have full sprite sets of Melty Blood and Guilty Gear XX Reloaded, and have been meaning to animate them for quite some time.

That, and I just now learned how to extract files from the Viper series of hentai games, meaning I now have access to tens of hundreds of raw animation frames and I feel compelled to open up ImageReady and animate every single one of them. O_o

Other than that, I've been feeling fatigued since I came back from Puerto Rico. Generally I feel like I have a lot of work to do.

Here are some things on my itinerary/backburner:

-Scan my photos from my recent trip to Puerto Rico
Because, let's face it, my trip rocked. I have so many things I want to say about it that if I took all of those things and rolled them up into a brick and put them on my back it would snap it in half and leave a mark on the ground.

-Actually get some sleep one of these nights.
I think it would be better if I'd accept that I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever go to sleep early.)

-Troubleshoot my Hyperguy.net domain.
I spent all of today working on this, and it's still broken. FUCK! Everyone else I've talked to tells me that it works. Everytime I go to http://www.hyperguy.net/h_forum/index.php I get a 404 error.

-Animate all of the frames for Viper V6-R (I'm 13% done)
Because it's among the few Viper games who's CG hasn't been animated. That, and I love Carrera's new design.

-Get around to writing descriptions, release dates, etc. for every Viper game on my website.
Good god, there's too many Viper games. However, I really do feel like it's my duty to the fans to do so. Kind of silly, huh? I'm a silly guy. What I don't like about having the duty of having to write up a description for every Viper game is that there are some Viper games I don't particularly care for. All the same, I love the series and the company, so I always try to gather up as much information on them regardless of which game in the series it is. Everything's pretty much written in my head, my only problem's expressing it onto paper in a format I can be proud of.

-Beat Pualo at Tekken 5
Paulo may be a good Tekken 5 player, but it's not because he's Asian. Really now, that's bullshit and a stereotype. Once I learn Kazuya's 10 hit combos he'll be mince meat. I mean, I'm already seeing all of the weak points in his strategies. Every time I play I get that much better at beating him. Maybe I can't exploit all of his weaknesses now, but with a little more practice I think I'll be ready to start beating him consecutively.

-Drawing
I'm convinced that I can't draw. However, that's not true. In the past I've drawn and many people who have seen my drawings said that I'm a good artist and have lots of potential. Believe it or not, right now I'm scared of drawing. So, in order to cope with my irrational paradigm on drawing, I collected all of my old drawings from high school so that I can try to discover a new approach to picking the pencil back up. I pressure myself with becoming a good artist too much, sometimes so much, that I don't want to draw at all.

-Defining my website
Don't get me wrong. I love my site, Hyperguy.net. I love writing for it, and making badass articles and putting togther high quality images. All of the same, my site sucks for one very simple reason: it has no definition. I've never defined what the purpose of my site is, and as a result I haven't been able to effectively create content for it since I'm unaware of my target audience. I want to say that my site is for me, but that's too self centered. I want to say that my site is for people like me, but that's not true either since I'm not particularly concerned with people like me. I want to say that my site was created so that I'd be able to show it off to a potential employer, but I don't think I ever should considering the amount of pornography and horrible writing(and by horrible I mean grammatically horrible-I have no regrets about the quality of my content) on my site. Garrgh. If my site had a clear purpose or goal, then updating it would be a lot easier, none of this "Hey guys random shit hope you like it kthxbye" type updating I've been doing.

-Find a better job
Don't get me wrong. I love my job-but it just doesn't cut it anymore. Just about every job I've had I've mastered, and it's time for me to move on.

-Improve myself
For the past couple of months I've been gradually improving myself, but this month I've taken a detour. I'd say it's from all of the fatigue I've been feeling that I haven't been able to think positively or be patient in the past few days. I want to be proactive. I want to be effective. I want to care for people, and stop being angry with people just because they do stupid things. That, and I want to stop acting like a retard when I know I'm rather smart. I mostly do it as a means of coping all of the day to day shit-I'm quite cynical and frank when I'm not acting like a retard, sometimes going so far as to telling someone exactly everything that's wrong with their life about how they're living it, and being right. I don't like being right. I need to develop a nonviolent means of coping with everyday stress and my balled up disdain.

-Save money
For all of February I saved just about all of my extra money for the month. In March, I spent half of it. Now I'm looking to recover lost time, and with all of the cool shit I'm finding and buying, it sure as hell isn't easy. Between Variable Geo artbooks, Viper doujinshi, and Rumble Roses merchandise, I've been shelling out way too much money on things I want, and almost no money on things I need.


That sure is a lot. Whatever, I'm cranky.

I'll be gone between Saturday March 19th until Wesndesday March 30th for Spring Break vacation. I won't have access to a computer in the country I'm going to, so if anyone needs me I won't be able to help until I get back. Sorry.

My Grandma's sick, so I'm going back to my hometown of Corozal, Puerto Rico to go see her. I doubt she'll remember me though, since she now has alzeimher's. Two days ago my Uncle died. I found out just yesterday. So far it hasn't hit me yet, since we weren't all that close. The most I remember of him is that he let me have a beer when I was 8, and that he had farmland that stretched for miles.

I know I'm going to get all teary eyed when I get back to Corozal. The Pharmacy, the old school, the old video store(where I used to rent Super Nintendo games), La Super Gangamart, the Photostore, the Magic Shop, the Baseball Stadium, walking 8 miles on my own just to get to the next town, these are all fond memories I have of Corozal.

At the Pharmacy I would buy nachos and slurpees, and was also where I first got a taste of American comicbooks. Batman, Spiderman, Sonic the Hedgehog, they were all favorites of mine in my childhood, and the Pharmacy was cool enough to stock English editions of them too.

At the video store I got to experience firsthand what crappy video gaming was about. I was young and careless, and was the type of kid who would rent just about any video game provided it looked cool enough. It was only after I had played over a hundred mediocre video games that I was able to find the really good Super Nintendo games in the store.

La Super Gangamart...I think I'll be able to return there now. It's been over 10 years, so I don't think they'll recognize me. When I was younger, I used to steal bags of cookies from there, and one time I even got caught. Nobody knows about that but me, but I figure it's been so long that confessing it doesn't matter now.

Damn, I could go on.

Hopefully I'll get to see the other Jose when I get there, provided he hasn't died or gotten shot, or moved away.

All the same, I feel nervous about going back to my hometown, nervous that the changes that have come to it may very well shatter the idealistic memories I have of it. Whatever. I'll be happy as long as some semblance of what it used to be is still there.

Last night I got really hungry so I cooked up 2 lbs of ground beef and seasoned half of it with pumpkin spice, y'know, to experiment and try something new. It turns out that pumpkin spice tastes bad with meat unless you happen to put lots of salt on it, which I neglected to do. I ended up burning it and now my clothes smell like charred ground beef. Remind me never to feed myself again.

What planet is this?

A lot has happened this week. Long story short, I lost my hosting plan with Trusted Host and gained a hosting plan with MJZ hosting. First off, Trusted Host died. Just like I predicted, it died within it's first year of service. I looked up whom I thought was the owner, Martin Rogers, but he just turned out to be some guy17 year old English bitch they hired to run it.

Fuck.

Well, there goes my $30.

The King got stabbed, and his brewskies were looted

In other news, I also went out and got a new hosting account at MJZ hosting. This cost me another $40, but I was more than happy to pay since the guy who runs it is extremely capable and the package deal I received is the best I've gotten yet. Am I going to recommend them in this journal entry? I think I am: http://www.mjzhosting.net/ (This guy rocks.)

For only 5 installments of 19.95!

It's kind of sad really, considering that I hate the idea of paying too much for hosting. While the price for my newest venture is justifiably high, if you add up all of the money I've spent on hosting for the entire year, well, just look at the numbers yourself:

$20 for shitty Jiffynet backup hosting (Used anytime Hyperguy.net needs a backup server or I need to hotlink an image without having to worry about screwing up my web stats.)
+
$30 for decent Trusted Host hosting (The one that was supposed to last me a year, but didn't because the host crapped out.)
+
$40 for the awesome deal I got at MJZ hosting (Which is what I'm using now)

= $90 spent in hosting fees.

Ouch. As much as I wanted to save money, I got burned in the long run. So much for my principle of never needing to spend more than $50 a year on hosting. Granted, if Trusted Host would have stayed in business than I wouldn't have needed to shell out the extra money for another hosting account, and I would have eventually gotten rid of my Jiffynet account, but since the Trusted Host issue was beyond my control I ended up spending more than I have first intended.

HTTP stands for Hyperguy's Titantic Titanium Penis

However, my expenses weren't in vain. Thank to my new server I'll be able to get my site back up in it's entirety. No more of this backup 100 MB hosting account bullshit. My new server's the real deal, and intend to use it to the fullest of it's capacity and ability. If there's anything I have a passion for it's building webpages, writing, and hentai, and for me to be able to work on Hyperguy.net and unite these passions together into one lump sum of awesome is nothing short of spellbinding. Oooooh yeah! I am a rock.

Rise and shine, Terpentine

This morning I woke up at 5 a.m.

Not because I needed to. Not because I wanted to. But because I had to.

For you see, my father was a military man, and when he was on active duty he woke up every morning at 5 a.m.

In the military they train you extensively so that performing tasks like waking up at 5 a.m. in the morning or running 30 miles in the snow in under an hour or killing a man before he can scream can be done without effort and without conscious thought. Alright, maybe that last one was a bit exaggerated, but I hope you see my point.

The fact of the matter is, every time my Dad would wake up at 5 a.m. in the morning to go to work, I'd wake up too, not because he's clumsy and makes noise, but because he made noise. That, and I woke up because I knew he was getting ready to go to work, and I wanted to be up so I could have some coffee and cereal with him before he left.

You can't hit me, I'm Miyamoto dammit!

When I was a kid I'd say I was rather silly. I used to read about things like Samurai and about how Miyamoto Musashi, known in Japan as the greatest swordsman who ever lived, aka the 'Sword Saint', was trained by an incredibly strict and asute master who would attack Miyamoto with a wooden sword as he slept. His master's reasoning behind it was that realistically, a samurai could be attacked at any time of the day, even while asleep and that his student would have to be ready for such an attack.

The first time Miyamoto's master tried attacking his student while he slept I'd imagine Miyamoto got his ass whupped into next week. I could imagine that if he was already sleeping, the force of the blow would have knocked him out cold.

Subsequently, Miyamoto's master continued to attack him at the most unpredictable times of the day. Miyamoto wised up, and through beatings he learned a skill like none other: He learned to always be ready for an attack, always ready to defend himself whether he was sleeping, bathing, or eating. (Now just think about that for a second. How many of you go defenseless when you're say, eating a big mac?)

At first, he was only able to block his master's attacks moments before they would reach him. Keeping his sword with him at all times, at a moment's notice he would swiftly place it in front of him to gaurd just as his master's sword would come down on him. That's pretty fucking hardcore if you ask me.

He eventually got so good at defending himself at a moment's notice that he could sense people approaching him from a distance away, and be ready for an ambush regardless of the time of day or what he was doing. I'd bet gold to dollars that he could be taking a crap and still be able to take out a gang of ninjas were they foolish enough to attack him.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

How this relates to my Dad, is that he'd wake up early in the morning, way early at 5 a.m., and that I'd be ready for it. As soon as I could hear footsteps in the house, I would spring out of bed ninja style and go into a fighting stance. What can I say? Being young and cracked is way cooler to talk about years later than it may have actually been.

And this happened not just on some mornings, but every morning my Dad would wake up at 5 a.m. So, long story long, my Dad pretty much inadvertantly trained me to be able to wake up at 5 a.m. without effort or conscious thought. I didn't even have to use the alarm this morning to do it, and just like when I was a kid, I sprung out of bed this morning like a groggy, diluted ninja. Wait...

Final Thoughts

Cheerios taste better before 6 a.m., and I think it's bad ass that anytime I want to, I can make myself wake up at 5 a.m. without an alarm clock and without effort or conscious thought. Maybe I didn't grow up to be a badass samurai who can kill a dozen ninja while taking a crap, but at the very least I'm not plagued with the 'Can't wake up before 11 a.m.' syndrome so many of the people I know are accustomed to.

I'm not a morning person, and I'm not really a night person either. I like to think of myself as both. You ever hear that song by the band Cake about a girl in a short skirt and long jacket who would wake up early and stay up late?

Yeah. That bitch would be my ho, were she not a fictious character in a song, and she would get me sprung at 5 a.m., just like a ninja.

And then the peasants rejoiced, for the old king returned. (With brewskies!)

I talked to Martin Rogers yesterday and it looks like I'll be getting Hyperguy.net back up and running on my Trusted Host account faster than I had previously thought.

For those of you who don't know what the heck I'm talking about, I manage a site called Hyperguy.net. I used to use a Jiffynet.net web hosting account for Hyperguy.net, and just last October I switched to Trusted-Host.com's hosting plan. Since it has less storage and features than my Trusted Host account, I now use my Jiffynet.net account as a backup server. Let's take a look at how they compare, shall we?

Trusted-Host.com vs. Jiffynet.net

My Jiffynet.net Hosting account(The features that matter):

-100 MB of storage space
-Unlimited Bandwidth
-$20 a year
-Cpanel
-Super fast server
-Shitty Tech Support (George, if you're reading this, die. I don't care if you're doing something important like making love to your livestock or about to put on your pants, drop what you're doing and die.)

My Trusted-Host.com Hosting account:

-1.7 GB of storage space.
-18 GB of bandwith/month
-$30 a year
-Cpanel
-Tech support forum that responds to your questions in 12 hours or less, and is willing to install utilities to the server upon request.
-Just a little slower than Jiffynet's, but it's barely noticeable.

The process of finding a good, cheap host = Just like dating a ho monkey douchebag.

If there's anything I've learned from managing websites, it's that finding good hosting is a bitch. A big fat fucking bitch who can't get it's fingers off of your french fries and always asks for more money than it's worth.

I think I'm very lucky to have found such cheap hosting plans with the amount of features these guys have. Christ, some hosts I've seen while shopping around give me a stomach ulcer, like web hosting companies that charge $100 for 30 megabytes of storage space, or the monthly hosting accounts that charge over $6 for hosting for basically the same shit. As a rule of thumb, unless I'm managing a site with gigs of content, I'll never need to spend more than $50 a year on web hosting($5 a month is basically $50 a year).

Final Thoughts: "Your grandma's uncle's monkey's gay"*

Since I deal in images and text and not movies, I've got more than enough space at Trusted-Host. If Hyperguy.net gets so big that I need more storage space then I'd consider getting better hosting, but at the moment I'm just glad that my host managed to come back online after such abrupt and extended downtime instead of just taking my money and running.

(This here quote's © Robert Jeffry Koon, 2001.)

Man. Things have been crazy.

Some of the things I've had the opportunity to do this week include:

Blanket wars

Jason jumped on my bed and started beating up my blanket and yelled out "IS YOUR BLANKET GOING TO TAKE THAT?!" so I ran into his room and started beating the crap out of his blanket. The mother fucker didn't last two rounds. Take that, 100% cotton product of Bangladesh fodder. Jason won.

I put my site, Hyperguy.net back on the web.

A couple of weeks ago, I got this e-mail from the admin of my hosting company:

<Begin Bullshit E-mail>

From : Trusted Host <martin@trusted-host.com>
Sent : Monday, January 3, 2005 12:24 PM
To : ForestOni1@hotmail.com
Subject : Please Read

Hey Everyone,

The company i use for my server have told me that they are closing my server
down because they think that i submitted a cancellation request when this is not
true and i will be getting a new server as soon as i can. I do not know when
this one will be unplugged but could everyone please back up there files please,
Iam really sorry about this and everyone who currently have an account with
trusted-host can have 1 year hosting for free with the package they currently
have when new server is up, which could take up to 3 weeks but maybe sooner, I
dont know when this one will be unplugged as i said so backup as soon as you
can.

Regards,

Trusted-Host

</End Bullshit E-mail>

Well it's been almost three weeks and I've been pretty fed up with not having a site, so I went back to using my old hosting account on Jiffynet.net. Y'know, the one with less features, less storage space, and shittier tech support(Fucking outsource dumbass make-me-elbow-a-hole-into-my-suitcase-out-of-frustration support.) At the very least, my site's back on the web.

What made me want to switch back to my Jiffynet hosting account the most (Besides it being the only other backup hosting I have) is when I looked up information on Martin Rogers, the server admin for Trusted Host. Turns out he's a 17 year old College student who lives in England. He enjoys skateboarding, chilling, and web design. See for yourself:

http://forums.webhostdir.com/member.php?s=74356657922e15dd6893cc526f50dc33&userid=10377

Anyhow, fuck Martin Rogers. I know that with college he has to attend to I'm going to be waiting a long time for him to get his shit together and get my Trusted Host web hosting account back online. He's probably "chilling" right now, eating a pizza he bought with the $30 I spent for one year of hosting.

I fought my roommates (and demolished Jason's room in the process).

Mel called me on the phone and I got super pumped up. Then my roommates started crackin' on me for being on the phone with a girl. Jason: "Go talk to your boobs!"

So I then did what any passive aggressive super pumped up part time super hero would do. While still holding the phone and making sweet nonsense conversation, I proceeded to engage my roommates in mock combat. Punches were thrown, a lot of shit was knocked over, and Jason's room will never be the same again. It rocked.

Pizza Ninjitsu.

Nothing too special, except that when I'm at work I use the clockwork footsteps I learned from my sensei to dash around my workstation when I'm cooking. I mostly do it because of the reaction I get from our customers. "Damn, that mutha is some serious shit!" and "He must really love his job!" are some of my favorites.

I bought some milk.

We've been going on without milk for almost three weeks now. Good god, I'm tired of eating dry cereal. :\
Last time I walked to the grocery store to buy milk I ended up being stalked half the way home by a gay mexican. Fuck that shit. This time I brought my peice. Special K with oats and strawberries, we have a winner.

I averted World War 3 by doing the dishes(Twice!).

If you've ever had roommates then you'll be able to relate to the whole 'It's your turn to do the dishes, do the dishes or I'll kill this fucking dog' type scenario. Well, that doesn't happen at my apartment because I remember to do the dishes before it becomes a problem. By summoning all of my strength, I turn on the hot water and fight back via sponge and lather. Plus, there's nothing like not having to use the same dirty spoon and bowl again. I like doing dishes, but not as much as I like yelling out, "Where's my dinner, bitch?!"

I gave advice to a friend of mine about abortion.

A friend of mine asked me what I thought of abortion. I told her that I didn't have an opinion on it, and that the reason why I don't is because I can't get pregnant. I mean really, why should men have an opinion on abortion in the first place? They don't have an opinion on something so unique to a woman as having a period or what shampoo they use, so where do men got off on passing legislature on whether a woman can have an abortion or not? Either way, it's really none of my concern since it's physically impossible for me to have a baby. I told my friend to at the very least tell her parents that she was pregnant. She probably won't.


This is maybe 20% of all I've done this week. The other 80% I can't remember. This week, just like last week, rocked.

Continuing the Monster Truck show story from earlier, all I can really say is that it reeked from awesomeness. They finally got to the end of the show where they had the free style monster truck destruction derbys, which were worth the price of the ticket alone. Don't get me wrong, the rest of the show was cool too, but it just didn't compare to the grand finale. Shit got demolished left and right, huge monster trucks flew through the air faster than a high speed baseball pitch, and even ramped off of crushed cars like some kind of Super Mario jump platform. It rocked.

Last night rocked. Me and my Dad went to go see this awesome Monster Truck show in Atlanta.

Saturday! Saturday! Saturday!

The trip fucking rocked. We got lost on the way there, and still made it in time to see all of the cool shit. When we finally made it, we were hungry so we stopped by the Georgia Convention Center and had the best steak wraps in the world. Holy shit.

The Monster Truck show itself was a whole nother level of awesomeness. The place was packed with people from all walks of life, from crazy ass rednecks to east side niggas to-zOMG steamy hot lesbians walking wrapped in each others arms. Just further proof of the thousand pound death machine's wide spread appeal. The star of the show was obviously Grave Digger, whose popularity at the dome was comparable to the Undertaker's(Y'know, the pro wrestler.)

After eating the best steak wraps in the world we made our way in. Our seats were pretty decent too, considering we were in the bottom section and right next to all of the vendors. I could literally turn around and slap one of them for a cup of beer if I wanted to. I don't drink, so I opted for pretzels instead. My Dad eventually tricked me into drinking a beer.

He went and ordered one for himself, and after taking a sip he decided that he couldn't drink any more of it on account of his stomach ulcer. Guess who he asked to finish it for him? Now, as much as I know everyone loves beer and alcohol, I've never really had a taste for it. I can't say I actually give a crap about drinking something that tastes bad so I can feel good. The closest thing I could compare to it is when I had to drink a cup of English cough medicine with skunk cabbage in it. That shit killed me. When I drank it I felt like something had died in my mouth. I think it was my tongue.

Anyhow, so I'm hanging out, chillin' with my Dad in our awesome seats when they brought out a few monster trucks for the show. Turns out that besides crushing things with them, people actually race these sumofabitches'. I've no idea why they would. That's like racing a fighter jet instead of creating armageddon with it. And you don't see people going to war with can openers either.

Anyhow, so they had these massive trucks of destruction running around a track in a circle. Lame. Then they brought out the Georgia and Green Bay four wheeler racing teams out for a real race. Now these mother fuckers were bloodthirsty. There was about maybe 10 guys on each time, all of them tearing up the track on their ATVs and pullin' stunts most of the way. I saw them powerslider Mario Kart style (blue flames and all), and even go up on two wheels. At the end of the race the captain of the teams got pissy and jumped off of their ATVs and started whaling on each other. It was great.

This is getting pretty long. I think I'll list the rest of what happened later.

I wrote a poem this morning, y'know, during that time when you're half awake and half stupid. Check this shit out:

Ninja Toshiro
By Jose Santiago


One time I knew a ninja,
you could say he was a nice guy.
He went by the name of Toshiro,
and liked to kill samurai.

One day me and Toshiro,
were sitting and drinking a beer,
when the 8 gates of hell opened up,
and he was all like "Have no fear!"

"Because I am the ninja Toshiro,
and I kick ass in a blink, "
so he did the voodoo ninja hand motions,
and with ease detached our sink.

He took the sink and karate chopped it,
and from that a fine sword was made,
it was the nine thousand year old sword of ruining shit,
and this was year one for the blade.

So Toshiro made some sushi,
and they tasted mighty fine,
not withstanding the extra ingredient which smelled "fuchi"
the demon's terpentine.

"I must leave, I must go, I must kill, I must show!"
"I'm a ninja, and really great!"
"I've got all the coolness of a rock star, and on a half pipe I like to skate!"

Because I've got 30 years of training,
via correspondance course,
I'm the badass ninja with the swaying
and I've got rims on my horse.

Ground effects too, but that's another story
with katana in hand this will get very gory,
I know what I must do, and need to finish the story;

Ninjas are badass and require narration,
we're sorry about the gloating,
please keep it tuned to this station.

Toshiro! Sha!
He really made a mess!
He made Satan choke on a rice ball,
and put Lucifer in a dress.
Bill Gates showed up too, but Toshiro let him be,
after all, he had just purchased a copy of Windows XP.

Toshiro saved the day, and kicked lots of ass,
we'd show you all the clips,
but he just moves so fast.
Just know this, and believe me when I say,
that ninjas kick some ass, and they do it in every way.



...Even if they're weaving a basket.






....It becomes a basket of awesomeness.





(This poem was a poem of awesomeness.)